Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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