Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
