So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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