Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
