I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
