I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
