It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize