She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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