Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
