i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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