it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize