# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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