I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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