Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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