You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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