My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
