what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
