I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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