This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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