Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize