I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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