I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
