I'm so fucking centered right now
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
