We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Randomize
