There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
false alarm. still invincible.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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