I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
