so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
ok first of all what the fuck
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
