Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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