I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize