My first STD was from a foam party
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
