Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
