So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
