Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
