You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
