I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
