She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
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