Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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