fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
