whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
