the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Boobs speak an international language.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Randomize
