i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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