I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
