We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
