I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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