you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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