Nicole vs. Life
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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