Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
