Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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