I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
