No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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