ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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