My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
