i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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