I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
