so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
