dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
