I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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