Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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