Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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