the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
