I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize