Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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