I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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