dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My penis needs a shock collar
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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