Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
