Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize