Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
