Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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