OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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