I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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