I look better un-naked...
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize