Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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