Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
