There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
