I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
