I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
