when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
