My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
