He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
