My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize