I love black thongs
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
