What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize