never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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