shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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