I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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