and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
