whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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