nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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