Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Porn is love you can see.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
