WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
