my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
