i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
