he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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