how can u be prego again
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize