he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
pop tarts are not kleenex
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
