Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
