That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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