we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I got inside last night via doggy door
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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