That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
