She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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