she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
